A story

On the train into work today I sat opposite a couple with a 3 yr old daughter. The girl was asleep and sprawled on her father's lap. The mother was completely disconnected from the child and the father, but the dad just held the girl and doted over her completely.

At the time, I was so enamoured by them, probably because inside I still long for that relationship with my father. But now looking back now I think if I was the mother in that relationship I would be very jealous of the fact that my husband loves someone else more than he loves me. Not sure if the fact that it's my daughter would come into play. But now I can kind of understand where my mum has been coming from all these years, as fucked up as the entire thing is.

If I ever do end with a husband and children, as I one day hope to do, hopefully I'll be alot older and wiser to realise that complete devotion from my husband isn't important. I guess it's not about love but more about attention. And being number 1.