i really need to take care of myself better. I just ate a giant double choc cupcake, then a slice of pizza in 15 mins of each other. Now I feel like puking. And also feeling anxious doesn't help.
I wish i didn't fall in love with boys I never even talk to. I am a massive retard when it comes to courtship. And HELLO I also have a boyfriend I've been dating for 2 years. I have no idea what's happening in my head.
Some boys are too nice; some I don't even know. Why can't they all be unappealing, and why can't I be more relaxed and accepting and fun and not wierd and crazy and scary. At least my boyfriend loves me. I hate the feeling of testosterone in the air. I can't wait for Saturday when we can run around and do couples things and I can crawl under his big arms and pretend I am a small mouse hiding safely from the world. I want to bury my head in his chest and never come out. I want to cry hot wet tears and let him tell me its okay and just hold me.
I want to throw up.
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