I tried to find them but they were not there. I kept my lips sealed and my hands still as I waited for those words to build up like a well. But no matter how much it poured, only small trickles made it through, small trickles of shit, of pithy four letter one vowel cliches, dribbles of half-constructed phrases, boring nouns and verbs that sounded like nothing meant nothing meant nothing and left nothing for me to say.
I sat at empty blog templates, at facebook walls and thought of inspiration but she was not there. She was off cavorting in another person's head, toying with their frontal lobes and pulsating their adrenal glands.
My own frontal lobes are like battered wives, abused from 2 years of hardcore, non-stop work. They are recoiling at this idea of a holiday; they want to return to the safety of banner ads and edms and concepts the client always rejects.
I have yelled and cried and broke down, quit a thousand times from it all. I was the battered wife, always going back, saying "just for a bit longer, it will be okay." I betrayed myself. And in turn, my Self gave up and walked away.
There are no words to describe the dissapointment, the loss. Only that there are no words.
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2 comments:
nope, this is not a loss, and this is not about your job. it is simply terror, and this is a big move, but when you are settled it will fade.
there are a couple more called 'flatmate finder' and 'find a flatmate' online. what areas are you looking at, and how much do you want to spend?
Thanks for the links. I'm looking mostly inner North of the city. Around Fitzroy, but not particularly Fitzroy itself. South is also good, but it seems the rent costs more around there. I'm looking at $180pw max, ideally $160 or so.
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